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Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

January 2nd, 2012 (01:09 am)
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Just found the Facebook ap for LJ. Haven't been on this blog in Hella. Who actually comes here anymore?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

December 11th, 2010 (09:47 am)

Not really using this blog much anymore. If you have not added me on facebook do so via androidmunzer@hotmail.com
Its the only thing I have been communicating regularly through for a while.

Mother Crass [userpic]

This is my song today.........

October 1st, 2010 (10:21 am)
current location: home
current mood: waiting for the wind
current song: Jesus And Mary Chain - Taste The Floor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPaGEV1MBh8

It's too cool
To get something done
Too many things move fast
I can't quite get a grip at last
And all the stars don't shine
And all the stars don't shine
And all the walls fall down
And all the fish get drowned

Here it comes
Can't you hear the sound of it
Just like a big brass drum
And some cunts always scratching it
Just like a voice is pain
Just like the taste is pain
I wish that I could fly
You have to learn to fly


She's singing to herself
As she's singing in herself
And she walk right up to you
As she walk all over you

Don't turn off
I don't expect, I just accept
I'm happy in my box
You got to see the box upstairs

And the sun don't shine
And all the stars don't shine
And all the walls fall down
And all the fish get drowned

She's singing to herself
As she's singing in herself
And she walk right up to you
As she walk all over you

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

September 26th, 2010 (08:53 pm)
current location: computer

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For my sister.

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

September 23rd, 2010 (06:05 pm)
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Shane if you are reading this....

I've just been notified that you have been released from jail. I know what you did to get in there again. Do not contact myself or Isaiah. We will call the police. Visitations are not an option.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Mother Crass [userpic]

Some Awesome Pictures

September 12th, 2010 (11:46 am)

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Tank Cami! RAAAAR!

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Check Bill out. He's like a fucking drill instructor. Drop and give him twenty, you fucking maggot!

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Mother Crass [userpic]

First Rites

September 11th, 2010 (03:38 pm)
current location: home
current mood: happy
current song: Anarchasticats - All Popes Are Bastards

Today I was sewing on the couch. Hansel came up to me and insisted on helping. Whats impressive about this is that he turned off a video game to come over and sew with me! One thing lead to another and before long Hansel was sewing his first patch ever. He picked it out himself .... a red and black pentacle, one that was given to me by a traveling companion long before Hansel was born and which has been on many adventures and traded through many hands.
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I'm just a little proud :D:D:D:D:D

Mother Crass [userpic]

Drops of Time

September 4th, 2010 (07:23 am)
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current location: Bed
current mood: Good

What's that dripping?
Blood? Water? Wine?
The sound never gives away the identity of the dripper....
But I tend to think I am hearing time, drops of moments slipping by.
Falling into the ground, into the earth, adding a small inperceivable layer to the ancient body.
An anonymous author has just dripped
And I heard that little miracle
I heard the dive and the splash
And the silence when it passed
That moment was written on the living and the dead and the yet to be born
Do we give thanks?
Do we join that ancient body in the ancient dance?
I look down through the floor, through the next floor
I look all the way to the dusty make-up face on the ancient body
I see the smile of that mother
And feel thankful that I had this moment
Thankful I heard the dripping
Life always feels like it's fast forwarding to more bullshit
But this was a slow, peaceful moment
A drop of life

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Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

August 26th, 2010 (12:06 pm)
Tags:

current location: Bed
current mood: Weak

I'm really struggling with my weight. I can't seem to get back into regular eating patterns or eat well enough to get proper nutrition. The food disgusts me and I have to force myself to eat while nauseated by the smell and taste of it. I don't know what weight I'm at now but I'm afraid to know. I saw my reflection in the mirror today and I looked sick. I makes me feel sick too; weak and tired and empty.

I can't smoke pot; I'm alergic to it. My antinausea pills only help a little. I try drinking ensure and eating small light snacks. I am frustrated that this is continuing after I have made so much progress. I might have to find a nutritional specialist to help me before I start looking like a holocaust victim.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Mother Crass [userpic]

Liar Liar Liar Liar!

August 24th, 2010 (09:58 am)
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current location: In bed
current mood: Out for blood
current song: XIII Stoleti - vampire Voodoo

This morning I called the department at work that handles my disability and they told me the doctor still had not contacted them. I called her right away and this time I did not act polite or patient. It's a real stretch for me to bring the barking dog out in my personality because my job and my child both have me in the habbit of handling confrontation patiently.... if I'm pushed far enough I can be a bitch. She flat out told me this morning she just doesn't want to make time to deal with this and has other things to do. I took the opportunity to help her shove her foot in her mouth after she said that. After I was done with her she immediately called my disability department and fixed her mistake.

Funny thing.... When I was nice and patient with her and bit my tongue she was a lazy manipulative cunt and when I became loud and forceful she suddenly had all her ducks in a row. I hate people like that. It's like they hate nice people and want to make everyone mean and bitter.

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Mother Crass [userpic]

Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit!

August 23rd, 2010 (11:21 am)
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current location: The pharmacy
current mood: Angry

So the doctor I was having problems with told me on Friday that she was approving for me to return to work part time. This morning without notifying me of the change she spoke with my disability department and said I was cleared to go back full time. I called her up and she flat out denied it. When I asked her to call them and fix the misunderstanding she said, "I don't think I should have to get that involved."

Hahahaha right. I pay this bitch $100 an hour and she doesn't think she has to get involved.

I have been on the phone with her and my disability team all morning and I finally nagged her into agreeing to call them because they say that's the only way this can be sorted out. If she doesn't fix her mess I am going to call her all day every day until she does. She's fucked up so much shit for me but one thing I won't let her do is fuck up my job!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Mother Crass [userpic]

Bless Up

August 22nd, 2010 (05:36 pm)
current mood: ready to rock
current song: Barf - Le Petit Poisson

Did a photoshoot with Tim and Hypnox shooting this weekend. Tim took most of the pics but he's still editing them so it will be a few days before I post all the other creative stuff we did.

These are some taken by Hypnox.
Guns provided by Mad Bill.

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I Vant Your Blaaaawd!
Anyone who has ever done blood pics with Hypnox can tell you he's The Blood God. Its been over half a decade since my last shoot with him and he's still got it! Hella fun working with him again.

This shoot was a nice ego boost. I've been on med leave since late May and much of the time my depression was so debilitating I could not shower or change clothes. At one point I had more brown hair than purple hair because I had been losing motivation for months before I finally broke down. I hated looking in the mirror and seeing a miserable woman who wasn't the me I'm used to.

Hoping to go back to work Monday. My doctor doesn't want me on full time right off because she is worried about me taking on too much when I return. I'm shocked she is showing concern about me after all the crap she's pulled. Her concern is half-assed though; she was horrible about communicating with the team that handles my leave and that set them back so now they are trying to get everything arranged for my return. Fortunately I don't have to deal with this fucking quack much longer. I've found a new doctor who I go see tomorrow morning. Gonna get my medications sorted out and get nicotine patches so I can enjoy fresh air. In many ways I feel like the darkness I had to live in the past few months has ended. I can think strait again and I feel much stronger. Its a good feeling.

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

August 20th, 2010 (01:22 am)

This is too fucking awesome.....

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

August 19th, 2010 (11:22 pm)
current location: computer
current mood: quizzzzical
current song: Suzanne Vega - In Liverpool

TEST YOUR ANDI KNOWLEDGE (facebook quiz)

http://apps.facebook.com/quizzes/quiz.php?id=2248017

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

August 19th, 2010 (12:46 pm)
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current location: On the bus
current mood: Good

I just threw up at my therapist's office but it was like a good puke that made me feel better. It was only like a half hour or so after I took my cymbalta too. I'm wondering if my body is saying it's starting to be better off without all the pills. The past couple days I've felt better in general and been less depressed. It's possible I just see it that way because I want to; possible that throwing up was unrelated.... But if I am right that would be really good.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

August 19th, 2010 (02:37 am)
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current location: 666 S. Metal St. #13

I wanna rock you like a hurricane.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Mother Crass [userpic]

The Blixa Faerie Left Weirdness Under My Pillow

August 17th, 2010 (10:14 am)
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current location: On my couch
current mood: Weird

I just had this crazy fucked up anxiety dream but in the middle of all the weird anxiety dream bullshit, Blixa Bargeld started chanting in German.... Only his voice was smoother and softer than I have ever heard it. It was a very strange dream.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Mother Crass [userpic]

Hansel's Spirit Guides

August 15th, 2010 (04:20 pm)
current mood: tired

Today I asked Hansel to paint his spirit guides. These are some of the pictures he made:

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He told me there's also a wolf spirit guide and a spider-worm spirit guide.

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

August 13th, 2010 (06:13 pm)
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current location: In bed
current mood: Tired
current song: Classical radio station

Today has been a rough day. I went to the ER. My medications have been fucked with so much and the klonopin stopped without any gradual decline in dosage that I have a chemical imbalance. I've just learned that it can take a month just to come off my meds safely and has to be done strategically. Good to know!

When I got home Hansel and my cat both comforted me. Hansel has been leaning towards being a healer and it's almost creepy how much his intuition leads him in this. He keeps talking about his spirit guides and creating protective energy around me. He has learned to crack my back by moving in certain ways when I pick him up and gives me little shoulder rubs all the time. He even made a set of healing tools out of building blocks that he tried to use on Isaiah's back. I feel lucky to have such an intelligent thoughtful little guy as my son.

I have no expectations for the weekend except spending a lot of time in bed and trying to get my chemical balance back so I can do basic shit.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Mother Crass [userpic]

(no subject)

August 11th, 2010 (10:56 pm)
Tags:

current location: In bed
current mood: Peaceful

I talked to both my doctors today. The two conversations were very enlightening. My psychiatrist told me there are only two types of medications for anxiety.... Narcotics and antihistamines. She told me that because she specializes in psychiactric medication I should not question this. She seemed annoyed that I expressed my concern.

My regular doctor didn't mirror her however. She prescribed an anxiety medication that is neither narcotic or antihistamine an told me if there's any problem to call her so she can help. I felt a lot better after seeing her because she cares about every concern I have and never gives me egocentric lectures about her specialty.

After I got this taken care of I slept for hours a sleep I have not had in a while... Feeling safe and in control of my life. I dreamed I was a hot Angelina Jolee type of woman who busted bad guys with cool weapons and sexy Kung Fu skills. It was very good sleep.

Right now I am not intending to answer my phone or have visitors for a few days. I need to focus on getting mentally prepared for returning to work so I appologize to those who have tried to communicate with me today. I am in hermit mode. I will seek nature, magick, and family only for a time.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.