pointy brows

Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit!

So the doctor I was having problems with told me on Friday that she was approving for me to return to work part time. This morning without notifying me of the change she spoke with my disability department and said I was cleared to go back full time. I called her up and she flat out denied it. When I asked her to call them and fix the misunderstanding she said, "I don't think I should have to get that involved."

Hahahaha right. I pay this bitch $100 an hour and she doesn't think she has to get involved.

I have been on the phone with her and my disability team all morning and I finally nagged her into agreeing to call them because they say that's the only way this can be sorted out. If she doesn't fix her mess I am going to call her all day every day until she does. She's fucked up so much shit for me but one thing I won't let her do is fuck up my job!

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Deathrock as fuck

Bless Up

Did a photoshoot with Tim and Hypnox shooting this weekend. Tim took most of the pics but he's still editing them so it will be a few days before I post all the other creative stuff we did.

These are some taken by Hypnox.
Guns provided by Mad Bill.

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I Vant Your Blaaaawd!
Anyone who has ever done blood pics with Hypnox can tell you he's The Blood God. Its been over half a decade since my last shoot with him and he's still got it! Hella fun working with him again.

This shoot was a nice ego boost. I've been on med leave since late May and much of the time my depression was so debilitating I could not shower or change clothes. At one point I had more brown hair than purple hair because I had been losing motivation for months before I finally broke down. I hated looking in the mirror and seeing a miserable woman who wasn't the me I'm used to.

Hoping to go back to work Monday. My doctor doesn't want me on full time right off because she is worried about me taking on too much when I return. I'm shocked she is showing concern about me after all the crap she's pulled. Her concern is half-assed though; she was horrible about communicating with the team that handles my leave and that set them back so now they are trying to get everything arranged for my return. Fortunately I don't have to deal with this fucking quack much longer. I've found a new doctor who I go see tomorrow morning. Gonna get my medications sorted out and get nicotine patches so I can enjoy fresh air. In many ways I feel like the darkness I had to live in the past few months has ended. I can think strait again and I feel much stronger. Its a good feeling.
  • Current Music
    Barf - Le Petit Poisson
pointy brows

(no subject)

I just threw up at my therapist's office but it was like a good puke that made me feel better. It was only like a half hour or so after I took my cymbalta too. I'm wondering if my body is saying it's starting to be better off without all the pills. The past couple days I've felt better in general and been less depressed. It's possible I just see it that way because I want to; possible that throwing up was unrelated.... But if I am right that would be really good.

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Happiest Mom In The World!

Hansel's Spirit Guides

Today I asked Hansel to paint his spirit guides. These are some of the pictures he made:

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He told me there's also a wolf spirit guide and a spider-worm spirit guide.
  • Current Mood
    tired
Life and Death

(no subject)

Today has been a rough day. I went to the ER. My medications have been fucked with so much and the klonopin stopped without any gradual decline in dosage that I have a chemical imbalance. I've just learned that it can take a month just to come off my meds safely and has to be done strategically. Good to know!

When I got home Hansel and my cat both comforted me. Hansel has been leaning towards being a healer and it's almost creepy how much his intuition leads him in this. He keeps talking about his spirit guides and creating protective energy around me. He has learned to crack my back by moving in certain ways when I pick him up and gives me little shoulder rubs all the time. He even made a set of healing tools out of building blocks that he tried to use on Isaiah's back. I feel lucky to have such an intelligent thoughtful little guy as my son.

I have no expectations for the weekend except spending a lot of time in bed and trying to get my chemical balance back so I can do basic shit.

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  • Current Music
    Classical radio station
  • Tags
green

(no subject)

I talked to both my doctors today. The two conversations were very enlightening. My psychiatrist told me there are only two types of medications for anxiety.... Narcotics and antihistamines. She told me that because she specializes in psychiactric medication I should not question this. She seemed annoyed that I expressed my concern.

My regular doctor didn't mirror her however. She prescribed an anxiety medication that is neither narcotic or antihistamine an told me if there's any problem to call her so she can help. I felt a lot better after seeing her because she cares about every concern I have and never gives me egocentric lectures about her specialty.

After I got this taken care of I slept for hours a sleep I have not had in a while... Feeling safe and in control of my life. I dreamed I was a hot Angelina Jolee type of woman who busted bad guys with cool weapons and sexy Kung Fu skills. It was very good sleep.

Right now I am not intending to answer my phone or have visitors for a few days. I need to focus on getting mentally prepared for returning to work so I appologize to those who have tried to communicate with me today. I am in hermit mode. I will seek nature, magick, and family only for a time.

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